short attention span romance

My Freshman year of college is mostly a blur. However, I do remember sneaking a duffel bag of liquor up to my room, trying to communicate with a very dead Jim Morrison, playing spades hours at a time, and of course going to class!
During the winter quarter, I was trying to think of creative careers I could get into with an English degree. I thought the romance novel business might be worth looking into. To practice my "craft", I would take requests from the girls on my floor. They'd give me the name and description of their perfect man, celebrity, or college beau, and I'd create a steamy love story just for them. Nothing fancy. I usually got down to the nuts and bolts of the story (pun intended) within 2 lines. I quickly became the most appreciated person in my dorm.

So, if you've got a request, I'll dust off my smut reference materials just for you.

~Amanda

You can't make this up!

I was at World Market on Saturday looking for a birthday gift for my daughter (which means looking for stuff I want). I found myself in the spice isle and there was an old guy with his 10 year old-ish daughter. The daughter was kneeling in the isle pawing among the spice options, and the old guy was doing a monologue in the style of Tom Waites. He was a scruffy little 50 something year old guy - I can say that because I could be described the same way - and he was riffing on nutmeg and sugar. In a monotone he says,"Don't pick up that colored sugar. Your mom doesn't need any more sugar of any color, or any encouragement. And she don't eat colored sugar, or raw sugar, or honey, or any of that kind of stuff. And don't look at the nutmeg! God, you start by smelling nutmeg, and then the next thing you know you've bitten in to it and your hallucinating and running around spitting on the walls and taking your clothes off in the kitchen. God, no. We don't want that on Mothers Day". Remember, this was to the 10 year old girl. And possibly for my benefit? I like to think so, anyway. Best show I've seen this week. I saw them later and he was still talking...

the house of wax

Every experience I have in a spa or nail/waxing establishment is odd. There was the time about 4 years ago when I went in for an eyebrow wax and came out crying. My skin was too dry. I didn't use the right moisturizer for day AND night. I didn't drink enough water... You get the idea. I tend to get aestheticians who are really passionate about skin. Last year, I went in for a quick lunchtime wax and my Vietnamese waxer looked at me and said "You need it!" Thanks. I know. That's why I'm here.

I guess I felt up to a little punishment today when I went on another lunchtime run. I said I just needed and eyebrow wax. She looked me over and responded, "Hmmm. Are you sure you don't want lip too?" I said, "ok that's fine do the lip too." After she did my brows and lip she said, Um, you sure you no want cheeks?"

Good grief.

Polishing a Turd

I like to ride my bike and recently bought a mid-life-crisis present for myself. This bike is more expensive than my daughters semi-beater car. The local dealer is a guy who is a great mechanic and a challenging person. He's normal one day and rude and curt for the next four days. I bravely (bravely=stupidly) disregarded that and went forward, only to be in the same spot I find myself in A LOT. Trying to polish a turd. In this case a turdcoated situation.

They didn't measure me, didn't answer my question about stand over, have had the frame for 3 weeks, and don't return my calls. I feel like I'm in limbo, but I'm not! I can walk away. Walking away would make him mad at me, which has seemed unacceptable. But it's my money, right?

If this were an improv scene, I'd tell him to f*off and shove the frame up his a$$.

Since this is real life, I guess I'll be more polite but I can still say it. Oh Yeah! Because you can't polish a turd. Well you can, but it makes a mess messier.

We're Tweeting!

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@dixiecupsimprov

I may not be much...

So I was sitting with my friend Jim and he was talking about worries he has about his son. After a while he felt better about that and told me about his vacation in Ireland. Eventually he said "You know, I may not be much but I'm all I think about". I've been smiling about it since, because of course all I think about is myself too.

If we're all going around thinking about ourselves all the time, it explains a lot!

Dames! Skirts! Broads!

Barbara Allen is known to laugh at her own jokes, a trait considered by many to be bad form. Her most recent disappointment came from Oprah's "big reveal" where she waited breathlessly through two commercial breaks for Dr. Phil to shave off his mustache, only to find that he looked like Dr. Phil without a mustache. After 25 years, Barbara is still hoping for her big Broadway break as Little Orphan Annie... she knows this part will change everything. Her favorite Muppet by a long shot is Miss Piggy.

Lorinda Ostapuck---If life would give us a Do-Over, mine would have been to embrace all avenues of Art...Painting, Dancing, Singing, Acting & Improvising.  I am the a-typical Monday thru Friday Cubical Gal. A few artistic things have creeped into my life.  Several years ago a wonderful gal pal gave me a clipping for an ad on Improv Classes which led to acting opportunities with MadLab Theater. Which then brings us here, I am part of an Awesome, Rocking, Jumping & Jiving Improv Troupe - See You Thursday. So you see, I got what I wanted without the Do-Over. Of course...makes perfect sense.

Amanda Aring has been involved in the local theatre/improv scene for several years. After she took her first improv class with Cinublue Productions, she was hooked! She was a member of the troupe, Easily Amused, and has studied improv with Mi.’s Westside Comedy Theatre in Santa Monica, CA. Her biggest L.A. celebrity encounter involved passing toilet paper to Markie Post under a bathroom stall, and annoying Hugh Laurie in a buffet line. By day, she writes about communicable diseases and spends time with her family. She is represented by CAM Talent.
Erin Donovan hates writing about herself, especially in the third person.  There’s something rather “Jerseylicious” about it all, but alas she does not carry a small dog in a purse or wear a “Bumpit” when cruising the mall.  Erin began taking improv comedy classes several years ago, and got hooked immediately. She is also a member of the troupe “Not From Concentrate.”  By day she is either mediating court cases for the State of Ohio (ask her about the adult baby), or arguing with the IRS and PayPal as to why they need to support the non-profit organization for which she works.  FYI – if you dial Leslie at extension #2845, you’ll actually get a live person at the IRS. Talking to a live person at PayPal remains a mystery.